Do You Want A Good News or Good Advice Religion?

The term gospel literally means good news. Any news worthy of the label good must report events that make life significantly better.

Having led spiritual discussion groups on college campuses for nearly 20 years, I am convinced most people, religious and secular, instinctively misunderstand the essential nature of the Christian gospel. They believe it is primarily about following good advice in order to live righteously before God and man. While the gospel does (secondarily) help us to live well, its foundation is not built upon what we can do for God, but what God has done for us through Jesus Christ. The gospel is history and declares the benefits given to those who stop relying on themselves and instead rely on Jesus.

  1. It is good news morally. Dr. Tim Keller explains, “Jesus lived the life we should live to save us from the life we have lived.” This is really good news when we are honest enough to admit that we don’t live up to our own standards of morality, let alone God’s standards. This news frees us from being tempted to deny our moral failures, or minimize them, in order to feel okay about ourselves. Neither are we paralyzed with shame because Jesus has covered it. In love, Jesus exchanged places with us. On the cross, He absorbed the cost of our moral failings and granted us the benefits of His moral perfection. As the apostle Paul said, “For our sake, [God] made [Jesus], who knew no sin, to be sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21).
  2. It is good news spiritually. Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). All man-made religion gives good advice on how to barter with God. It offers religious systems and rituals that somehow enable us to pay down our spiritual debt and earn God’s benefits. Such religious traditions assume we each retain a sufficient amount of spiritual capital with which to barter with God. But the Bible describes the human condition as spiritually impoverished and that changes things. Real need removes any confidence a person might otherwise have in him/herself. The poor in spirit recognize that their spiritual bankruptcy makes them unable to bargain with God. They bring nothing to the table. The gospel is good news for those incapable of paying off their debt because Jesus has offered to pay that debt in full.  Even more, Jesus has covered all the expenses for living in His Kingdom. This is really good news for those who accept it. It removes all insecurity. There is no need to barter with God anymore because He is already satisfied.
  3. It is good news physically. When John the baptist sent his disciples to ask if Jesus was the promised Messiah or not; Jesus answered, “Go tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them” (Matthew 11:4-5). Jesus did not simply forgive people their moral failings and make them spiritually rich toward God. He healed bodily diseases and defeated death. His goal was to restore every part of creation that had been broken by the fall. It is nonsense to view Jesus’ power over sickness and death as good advice. But as good news, it changes everything.

The core of human religion is good advice, but the foundation of Christianity is good news. There is a world of difference between the two!

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Reacting To Someone Who Feels Misunderstood

How do you typically respond when a person accuses you of not understanding them?

It’s easy to make two opposite but equally disastrous mistakes – get fearful or get angry. Sometimes we get angry and snip, “I understand you completely. Actually, you don’t understand me!” Other times we get anxious and whimper, “Never mind. Sorry I brought it up.” Both silence and violence will block mutual understanding and destroy trust. But, learning to respond with grace and truth will relieve tension and enable the kind of communication that clears a path through the gridlock caused by alleged misunderstandings.

By looking to the Bible, and Jesus’ example, we can train ourselves to respond with grace and truth when someone accuses, “You don’t understand me at all!”

  1. Remember God’s patience. Adam was the first person to imply someone else did not understanding him. He believed God had it all wrong. He told God the real problem wasn’t his disobedience it was “the woman you put here with me. She gave me some fruit and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12) From the beginning, God’s patience has been abundantly clear. In Exodus 34:6, God proclaimed his name saying, “I am Yahweh, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” In as much as we remember God’s patient toward us, will we have the ability to be patient toward others who (rightly or wrongly) feel misunderstood.
  2. Stay curious and engaged. It’s easy to either feel provoked or to grow apathetic when your repeated attempts to address an issue are met with the counter-attack, “You don’t understand!” It’s hard to stay calmly engaged. But remember, God didn’t crush or ignore Adam. Instead He patiently asked questions, “Where are you? Have you eaten from tree I commanded you not to eat from?” (Genesis 2:10-11) We reflect God’s ways when we respond with grace and truth. Get curious, not furious, in the conversation. For example you might say, “I am sorry you don’t feel understood. I want to hear you out. What am I missing?”
  3. Relieve the need to be right. When misunderstandings linger, often the most common cause is a perceived need to be right. The consequences of being wrong, whether real or imagined, prevent people from admitting error. This fear is relieved as people sense they will be accepted even if they admit their failures and faults. You can develop safety by taking the first step to admit how you may be wrong. Show your willingness, even contentment, to be wrong. Clarify that the goal isn’t to prove each other wrong but to learn and then to be willing to change as a result.
  4. Stubbornly nourish hope. Nothing undermines a person’s confidence to resolve a misunderstanding like the loss of hope. Take orphans for instance. Compared to other children orphans tend to be very suspicious. They constantly test other’s intentions. They stubbornly resist the very help they require. While their behavior is not difficult to understand, it is counter-productive. Without patient intervention, their learned hopelessness (evidenced in the cries “No one understands me.”) will make them increasingly bitter and isolated. Jesus responded to such hopelessness not with dismissive platitudes but with empathy. He gave up his rights as God’s son and was abandoned on the cross. But, Jesus didn’t stop at empathy. He stubbornly fought for victory over the misery caused by betrayal, suffering, evil and death. Then he promised, “I will not leave you as orphans” (John 14:18). In as much as we understand this good news we will possess a hope more stubborn than anyone’s despair and we will offer it at every turn of the conversation.
  5. Be careful with “I’m sorry!”  As the causes of the misunderstanding become clear, we must not stop short of true reconciliation. Many people wrongly assume that saying “I’m sorry” is sufficient, but that may rob everyone (including themselves) of a more satisfying resolution. Saying “I’m sorry” is appropriate for uncontrollable events or unavoidable mistakes. Beyond that, we should be more circumspect. Sometimes “sorry” remains appropriate for an unintentional accident.  For example, “I’m sorry I bumped into you. I did not see you behind me.”  However, if you are in a habit of rushing about the office your apology will not suffice. You are being careless. Legitimate reconciliation usually happens when offenders confess their wrongdoing, reflect empathy, ask for forgiveness and offer appropriate recompense. To illustrate you might say, “I was rushing and not aware of my surroundings (confession of wrong) and I caused you to drop your stack of papers (reflecting empathy). Will you forgive me? (surrendering the upper hand with a humbling request) Can I help you reorganize them? (offer appropriate recompense). In the same way, don’t assume you can resolve a misunderstanding with a simple “I’m sorry”Work for a mutual understanding and a real reconciliation. The benefits will be well worth the cost.

Mastering these five principles takes practice but they will make a big difference. We can’t guarantee any particular person will feel understood, but we can create an environment where mutual understanding is the norm.

(This article is a follow up to Finding Hope When You Feel Misunderstood.)

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